Six months, but it feels like an eternity

It's hard to believe that it has only been six months when it feels like an eternity.
I can never understand why it feels like it has been so long when it has only been such a short time? I shut down this weekend or at least I let my mind and body shut down. I couldn't let myself deal with this so I slept practically straight through the weekend. I did allow myself to get up and do some things, but I was miserable and still am. Remembering everything that happened March 4th to the 6th brings up so much pain. I just don't want to believe that it happened. When the nurse rushed in my room and told us to get to the NICU was the worst moment in my life. Watching them working on my son trying to bring him back, I can't even explain how that felt it was so horrible. I have seen all of this before working in the hospital, but on older people that it is pretty much there time to go. It was not my son's time, not yet he was not supposed to leave us so soon. I know he was still fighting even though we made the decision to take him off life support and what will always haunt me to know that every time I spoke to my son as I held him is that his heart rate would rise and I knew he was hearing his Mommy. Mommy will always love and miss you my precious Jasper.