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Friday, September 11, 2009

On the road back from zombieville

First, I want to give a special thanks to Debby at For your tears for sending me this precious handkerchief. I will cherish it forever.

We finally got a call today that Jasper's urn in finally ready. I don't know why I'm so afraid to go get it. To finally put Jasper in his final resting place crushes my heart. I don't want to, but I know I have to. So very sad.

The time has finally come for me to start weaning myself off of Prozac and it is about time I had the courage to do it. I start the lower dosage tomorrow and I can't wait to be free from zombie land. Jonathan is really worried about it he thinks that I'm going to retreat back into a severe depression state where I won't want to leave my house again and he thinks I will get very moody. I hope he is wrong and I can pull through this without retreating or being moody.

I'm still trying to decide if I should start trying again this cycle or next. I want to start this cycle, but then if by some miracle I get pregnant with a sticky bean I would be due in June again and I don't know if I have the nerves to be able to handle that.

I started another blog this one is called From the Sky to the Ground it is pictures that I have taken and the meaning behind them. If you decide to look at it I hope you enjoy.



  1. Debby is wonderful for sending out the handkerchiefs to grieving moms. I know it'll be hard picking him up and I hope you do ok with the weaning of Prozac. I wish you the best in trying again. (seems like a lot of baby loss moms are)

  2. Lisa, you are very welcome. I wish I could do more to heal your pain. I will pray for your comfort and strength. Take care and God Bless.

  3. I forgot to tell you how wonderful your other blog is. The pictures are beautiful.

  4. Something about their "final resting place" complicates grief. It has been hard for me to go the gravesite ever since they placed her marker. It just made it more real. I understand your heart. xx

  5. Ella's urn just got all scratched up. It's a long story... But, I really want to order a new one.

    If I conceive this cycle, I will be due right around Ella's due date too. Good luck! Thinking of you!

    I've checked out your other blog. It's great. I wish I could take pictures.

  6. Its so weird about deciding to try again and when. There are so many dates that mean something and you want to avoid them for so many reasons. If we try again, there are many months I want to avoid, but I need to account for premature labour...which means, really there is no good time to try again. I just know that if we are going to go down that road again, I need to follow my heart. My heart will tell me when its time. I know all too well I can't control time or the future so why try and plan anything.

    Follow your heart.