This story is going to be in either 2 or 3 parts because it is so long. I just finished part 1 and I'm still working on the rest and will post when each is finished.
I first found out about you on Sept 30, 2008. I was at work and thinking about going to get pregnancy tests all morning. I had a very strong feeling that you were there. Finally, it was 12:20 and I rushed out to buy those tests. I was so anxious to test that I don’t even think I ate lunch that day. When I got back to work I rushed into the bathroom and took that pregnancy test. I was so afraid to look at the test that my heart was beating so fast and so loud. It was very dark in the bathroom and was very hard to see the test, so I brought it into the laundry room where it was very bright. There were two lines; I started crying. You were going to be the dream baby I always wanted.
These are some of the pregnancy tests I took
DPO = Days Past Ovulation
Right away I called My R.E. (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to tell them the happy news and so that I can get a blood pregnancy test done. They faxed the script for the blood work right away to a lab where I always have my blood drawn and went and had it done right after work. I knew I wouldn’t get the results until the next day because I had to go so late in the day. I spent all night and all morning worried about this test even though the first blood pregnancy test doesn’t matter it’s the ones to follow because in order for you to be growing like you should the number for the blood pregnancy test has to double within 48 hours. When I finally got that call my heart was racing and I started to shake in fear. It was Theresa a nurse from the clinic she started by telling me the number is very low and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up, then she told me the number was 8 and I became very worried because I feared you weren’t growing like you should, but then again I tested a week before I missed my period so I figured it might be low just didn’t think it would be that low. I wasn’t going to give up that easy. I told her I took another test in the morning and it was darker then yesterdays test. When she told the Dr. this she called me back and told me she will be faxing the lab with another order for another blood test that needs to be done on Oct 2nd and that she was going to send me some more orders for more blood tests in the mail.
October was a very hard and long month. We went through happy, sad, upsetting, and even more happy times this month. Oct 2nd I went right after work to get the blood work done and again had to wait until the next day to get the results. The dreaded wait finally ends sometime around noon. I held my breath to hear if it was good or bad news and it was good news the number more then doubled it was 55 WOW! With this number I thought you might be twins or hoping was more like it. The wait to go get the next test done was agonizing. I had to wait until Oct 6th according to the order. I didn’t think that day would ever come, but when it finally did I still had to wait until after work, the agony. This test would determine whether or not I would have to take Heparin a drug that would prevent mommy from clotting too fast and it would prevent clotting in your placenta. Again, the wait was unbearable. When Theresa finally called me with the results I felt so sick to my stomach I was so worried, but the results were awesome it was 314 WOOHOO! I get to stick myself in the belly with needles for the next nine months. Of course, that is not what I really thought. I was scared to death of sticking myself with needles, but I was more than happy to do it for you. That night I did my first shot, I was so terrified that I was shaking the whole time after that it got so much easier now that I knew what to expect. The stress from getting these tests to see if the number keeps going up like it should was getting to me, but my RE wanted to make sure that you were still growing in there. The test for Oct 9th was 1055. This was the day I got scared out of my mind I started spotting red blood and I panicked I thought I was going to loose you, but if it was going to happen there was nothing I could do about it so I had to wait it out. I had to leave work that day because I was so hysterical. That was the day that my co-workers found out about you even though I wanted to keep you my precious little secret for a little while longer. For the next two days I had some bleeding and was so afraid, hoping that you wouldn’t be gone. When I finally stopped bleeding I was so happy, but still I was staying cautious. The next two tests were nerve racking, the next one was on Oct 13th and that was 4332 and the last blood test was on Oct 16th and that was 9320. We were so glad that everything seemed to be going great. I think at this point your dad was starting to really get that you were coming. After the last test on Oct 16th we got to set up our first ultrasound appt for Oct 20th on that date I was 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant so we should be able to see you and your heartbeat.
It seemed like it took forever for that day to come and when it did I was so happy, but scared I was so afraid that we wouldn’t see you or your heartbeat. Your daddy and I were sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come in and I was shaking. When the doctor finally came in the room your daddy stood up and took his hand, we saw you right away although you were very small, you looked like a little dot (so that is what you were named for a while). Then we saw your heartbeat that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen I started crying tears of joy and at that moment that is when you became very real for your daddy. The Dr. told me you would be due June 13th 2009.
The next couple of days we were over the moon with happiness, then when I woke up on Oct 21st everything changed. The medication I was on Heparin was causing pretty bad hives from head to toe. I went straight to the emergency room and all they really did for me was give me medication to stop the itching and then sent me home. When I left the E.R, I called my Reproductive Endocrinologist to tell them what happened. They told me to come in for an ultrasound “just in case” so we went straight there. I was pretty excited about seeing you again. We got to the office, went into a room, and the doctor came in to do the ultrasound. We saw you right away my sweet little dot. When we were looking at you the doctor noticed there was a problem, he couldn’t see your heart beating. We looked at you for about five minutes and there was nothing. I started crying hysterically and the Dr. said those very painful words “I’m sorry”. The Dr. went through all of our options and if I was going to miscarry I wanted to do it naturally, so that is what I decided. I went into work the next day and it was very emotional I had to tell everyone I was losing you, and it was the hardest thing I had to do. I called my boss and told her and she told me she was coming over for a meeting and she would talk to me then. Turns out, the meeting was with me. I was getting a “verbal warning” apparently a patient complained saying “I was text messaging on the job and not completing my job duties” this wasn’t even true. Anyway, I don’t believe it was a patient I think it was one or more of my co-workers and just saying it was a patient. I just couldn’t believe this was happening the day after I found out I was going to be losing you. How awful!
Five days went by and nothing was happening, I bled a little, but no cramping no heavy bleeding. I decided on Oct 27th I was going to call my OB and get her to give me an ultrasound; so that’s what I did. I was able to go to her office right after work and Jonathan met me there. When the Dr. came in to the room I explained to her what happened last week and then she did the ultrasound. I took her less then five seconds to find you and your heart beat. You grew so much in a week I was so surprised. I was so over the moon happy I couldn’t stop crying tears of joy and relief that you were still with us.