Waterfall Angels on Facebook

Our rainbow Samuel Thomas Goldthorpe

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Monday, September 24, 2012

7 Months already?

Seriously, How has it been 7 months? It feels like I had him yesterday. Adjusting to mommyhood to a baby here in my arms has been challenging to say the least. But no matter how hard and challenging these last 7 months have been it has been 100% worth it. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel some sort of sadness that I never got to have any of this with Jasper or that Jasper and Samuel should be growing up together. What would their similarities be their differences be? These are just some of the questions that go through my mind on a daily basis and I guess over time it will get easier or at least less painful, but for now it is an on going battle. Here is a couple of fun pics I took recently: 2 days old and 7 months old

Monday, April 2, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Breastfeeding failure

Ever since I decided to start trying to have a baby I wanted to breastfeed. I wanted to have that special kind of bond with my baby that you can't get when you feed with formula. I have absolutely nothing against formula feeding. I was formula fed, my sister and brother, my niece's and nephew's where all formula fed.

I have had over six years to fantasize about what I was going to do when I finally get that take home baby. For over six years I thought once I had my baby that he or she would be breastfed and when it doesn't work out the way you planned it doesn't only make you very sad, but depressed as well.

When they brought Samuel in for me to start breastfeeding I was very excited and ready to go for it. Samuel had other plans though and didn't want to eat, so we waited a little while longer to try again. A couple of hours passed he started fussing about so we took it as a que that he was getting hungry and wanted to eat. Again I put him to my breast and nothing except for crying. The nurse came over and was trying to help me latch Samuel on to my breast with no luck all he would do is scream bloody murder. We tried all types of techniques to try and get him to latch. Another couple of hours had passed and thought it was time to give it another shot, but the same thing happened he just screamed bloody murder and if he did manage to latch it was only for a few seconds before the screaming started. In the meantime between the feeding attempts the nurses where feeding him sugar water to keep his blood sugar up and kept telling me that he needs to feed. Yeah, like I didn't know that as if I was starving my poor child on purpose. The same routine played over and over throughout the night in the hospital and before I knew it 24 hours have passed and my poor baby still did not have any food. Between the stress of trying to get him to latch and the nurses constantly telling me he had to eat I had no choice and made the call to give him formula.

Over the next 6 weeks we kept trying and trying to get him to take the breast before he had the formula and every time with the same result of blood curtailing screams. I started to pump the day after I got home from the hospital. It took two days of pumping for my colostrum to start coming out and when it did I fed it to him with a syringe before he had his formula. I had tried everything from pumping until the milk started to come out then try and feed him to using a nipple shield to trick him into thinking it was a bottle. The nipple shield worked for five minutes once, so after all is said and done I got to feed my son for five wonderful minutes. There is not one minute of the day that I am not upset or even depressed that breastfeeding didn't work out. The what if's are constantly playing over and over in my head...What if he would have latched? What if I didn't give it enough time? I could go on and on.

The truth is I am happy that I gave breastfeeding a shot. I was able to give him all the colostrum and 2 ounces of breast milk a day until I ran dry. In the end it sucks that I couldn't do what I really wanted to do, but at least he is happy and healthy and in the end that is really all that matters.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Three years...

It's been three years since Jasper passed away. I should have a three year old. Techinically he should be 3 in June because he was born 15 weeks early, but my body failed him and I'm still pissed about it. I miss him so much. It kills me every single day that he is not here, that he will never know his younger brother.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Stationery card

Polka Dotted Boy Birth Announcement
Shutterfly has cute birth announcements and Valentine's cards.
View the entire collection of cards.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A rainbow is born

On Monday Jan 16th I went for my NST, Biophysical profile, and OB visit. The Biophysical profile went perfectly. The NST I was having some pretty strong contractions, but not regular which prompted my OB to check my cervix and it was 3cm and 90% effaced. I was told to get my butt straight over to L&D because I was only one day away from being 36 weeks.

Once I got to L&D I was hooked up to the monitor and continued to have irregular contractions some small some were pretty intense. After being there for about 4 hours and all the usual stuff was done IV, lab work, and being put on fluids to stop the contractions the OB checked my cervix again (oh my gosh I thought this guy was going to pull Samuel out the way he was digging up in there) and there was no change. But they decided to admit me overnight to observe Sammy and me because they wanted me to stay off my lovenox just in case I was in active labor and they had to do an emergency c-section. My Platelet counts where also down to 103 and they wanted to give my Brethine (Terb) to stop the contractions and it did for the most part.

At around 9 A.M. on Tuesday the OB came in and told me that he wasn’t comfortable sending me home unless he checked my cervix for any changes and asked if he (not the same one from the previous day) could check, so I said yes and it was 4 cm and still 90% effaced. That was it he made up his mind and said that we were going to have a baby today.

Everything happened so fast and I was scheduled for a noon time for my c-section. I was shaved, prepped and prepared for my spinal, and given that nasty medication. At noon they walked me to the OR my husband had to wait outside while I got my spinal. My poor husband heard me scream when he stuck the needle in for the spinal. When he got into the room everything was all set up and I was on the table. Shortly after I started to feel the pulling and tugging and it was super scary because I can only picture what they where doing because I knew what that was exactly. They told my husband to get his camera ready and at 12:22 we heard him start crying. My husband stood up and took a picture of Samuel coming out of me then they brought him around the curtain so I could see him and it brought tears to my eyes. That was the last thing I remember because the Anesthesiologist gave me something to knock me out. Samuel Thomas was born Jan 17th at 12:22 p.m. weighing 5 pounds 11 ounces and 19 ¼ inches long.

Just born

Going home outfit

Birth Announcements
Birth Announcements by WiddlyTinks.com

Third trimester craziness

Before I post Samuel's birth story I want to post a little more about my third trimester. Looking back on it now I would say that it wasn't all that bad, but I would be lying. Starting at around 30 weeks it all started. I was in L&D pretty much every two weeks for something. The first time was for some spotting which turned out to be nothing. The second time was for Samuel not passing his kick count. The third time was on Christmas night. I was at work and out of nowhere I started to feel very dizzy, lightheaded, and my heart was racing. I took my Blood pressure and it was 115/75 which is high for me. I sat down relaxed and the symptoms just got worse and so did my B/P it was 128/84 or something very close to that. I went down to the ER (I work in the hospital where I had Samuel) and yet again landed myself in L&D. Everything came back normal except my Platelet counts which dropped I can't remember the numbers, but I do remember they where below normal. The next time I landed myself in L&D was the day before I had Samuel. You can read about that when I post my birth story.

Here are a couple of pics from my 3D/4D ultrasound.

I wanted to post the pics from my maternity shoot that I had done on Dec 17th, but for some reason I have not received them yet. Here is a picture that Jonathan took of me two days before I gave birth.