I didn't know how I wanted to start this. I thought about writing this as a letter to Jasper, but I think I will just write about our weekend to San Antonio, Tx to see Jasper's grandpa (my dad) without Jasper. We talked about this trip quit a bit while I was pregnant with Jasper. It was supposed to be around Christmas time, but we decided to go this weekend. My weekend started out on Thursday after work. Jonathan and I got on the road at 9:00p.m. I got to sleep throughout the night while Jonathan drove. He purposefully slept all day so that he could drive all night. Well, I couldn't get a peaceful nights sleep. I kept dreaming of Jasper and him being in the backseat like he should have been. Crying for a bottle, to be changed, to be held. I kept waking up and remembering that it was a dream and I would start tearing up. It was so heartbreaking being reminded over and over again that my Jasper is gone. When we got to my dad's I started to cry again remembering that Jasper will never get to meet his grandpa or grandpa will never get to meet Jasper. There were a couple of times I allowed my self to have some fun. It was just nice to spend time with my dad. I haven't seen him in about two years.