Every day I think of my son and the fact that I will never get to do the things I should be doing with him and every day I get so sick to my stomach. I have gotten to a point where I don't cry everyday, but everyday I'm haunted of the memory of everything that has happened. Today was the absolute worst. I woke up this morning wanting to stay in my bed all day curled up into a little ball and just cry all day, but I had to go to work. The whole morning (right now I work near the OB dept)there was a woman in the ob waiting room with a baby boy around the same age Jasper should be had he been born around his due date June 13th, so about two months. I could not stop looking at her son and picturing Jasper. Ther was even a couple of times that I thought I was crazy. As if that wasn't enough one of my co-workers brought in her three kids today along with her new baby girl. Something inside me just snapped and I broke down. I just had to get out of there, so I went to cafetaria, but there was nothing good there so I braved going back to my department to get my purse. I walked in crying and looking at the ground got my purse and left. Now, I feel bad about it, but I said nothing to my co-worker. I just had to get away. I know this will probably never happen, but I don't want this pain anymore, I don't want to feel jealous of every pregnant woman, or women with a baby/child that I see. I just feel so drained. I want my Jasper back so bad.