Today has been four months since I have given birth to my precious angel Jasper. It is all still to hard that all of this is real. I just want him back in my arms where he belongs. I often think about him and wonder what it would have been like if this nighmare wasn't real. I visualize him in his room watching him sleep, feeding him, changing his clothes, bathing him all of the things that I have to miss out on. I can't believe how much I have to miss out on.