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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Random Thoughts

1) I'm having such a hard time figuring out how to be this new person. "The person that has a baby that is no longer with her". Every time I think about having to be this new person I get so enraged, sad, and depressed that I just want to curl up in a little ball on my bed and never leave it.

2) I'm always thinking Why me? Why did I get Pre-e? Why my baby?

3) I had this though just earlier today, but I was thinking when I showed my OB the pathology report from Jasper's placenta and she saw that they had found a large Subchorionic Hematoma (blood clot)did she go back and look at the ultrasounds from the last couple of months to see if she missed it. I'm also wondering how not one but two doctors, one of them being a high risk doctor missed such a large blood clot in the placenta.

4) I just wish I knew that next time I get pregnant that all of this will not be a repeat. I wish their was some kind of guarantee I will get my baby that I get to take care of that I have always wanted.



  1. I agree with #4 100%. It would take away so much anxiety and I would be able to focus on grieving Nolan. But with that worry it makes the grieving so much harder.

  2. I feel ya. I think about everything that happened and what should have been all day, every day. I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I haven't figured it out yet, either.

    Hey- I just noticed I put 3/6 as Jasper's date on my site. Should I change it to his actual bd-3/4? Let me know.

    Hugs to you!!!