The guilt hit me today like double edged sword to the heart. While at work today I was looking at my pics of Jasper that I have on my phone and as I was looking at them I started to hyperventilate. As I was looking at my sweet helpless son I remembered that he was a healthy baby when he was safe in my womb and then it hit me. It was because of me that he had to be born so early. I know I couldn't help or even prevent getting severe Pre-eclampsia, but it just makes me sick with guilt that he was healthy and I was not. Jasper had to be born way to early because his mommy could have died, but instead my son's life was taken. I can't believe my sickness caused my son's death. I don't think this guilt will ever fade.