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Monday, June 29, 2009

Guilt and Heartache

The guilt hit me today like double edged sword to the heart. While at work today I was looking at my pics of Jasper that I have on my phone and as I was looking at them I started to hyperventilate. As I was looking at my sweet helpless son I remembered that he was a healthy baby when he was safe in my womb and then it hit me. It was because of me that he had to be born so early. I know I couldn't help or even prevent getting severe Pre-eclampsia, but it just makes me sick with guilt that he was healthy and I was not. Jasper had to be born way to early because his mommy could have died, but instead my son's life was taken. I can't believe my sickness caused my son's death. I don't think this guilt will ever fade.


1 comment:

  1. aww hun please dont feel guilty please dont, there is nothing that could of been done, i used to feel so guilty about Bryce and then finding out it was a problem with MY body that made him be born early, i blamed my self for ages,
    Im sure that Jasper wouldnt want you to feel this guilt,