I can't believe this is happening

I can't believe this is supposed to be a time when I should be holding my beautiful son in my arms and loving every minute I have with him. I can't believe Saturday is Japser's "official" due date it just feels like I lost him yesterday. Jon and I do have a special day planned on Saturday. We are going to go to build a bear workshop and finally get to make him his teddy bear that I promised him when he was still living in my womb. I can't believe we were so close to having everything we ever wanted and it was ripped away. For what? I can't believe that there is a god so cruel that he/she would take an innocent child away from two parents that love him so much and that can take care of him. WHY? and I don't believe that god had a plan for my son "to be taken away from me" I don't think so. UGH! I'm just so pissed off right now and rightfully so.