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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Video's, dreams, and anger

I can't believe I never posted the video's I made for Jasper here. I swear these days I would probably forget my head if it wasn't attached to my body.
This one is the story of Jasper's life:

This is the slide show of Jasper's name:

I work in a hospital and more often then not I get patients asking me if I have any children. I tell them yes I have one son, but sadly he passed away and leave it at that unless they ask me anything else. Anyway, there has been a few patients within the last couple of months that asked me and I told them and each time when I went in to do their 3 A.M. vital signs they told me that they had a dream that I was going to have twins. Now, normally I would be super happy to hear this, but the first thing that goes through my head is I would be at a greater risk for getting Pre-e and HELLP again. I would be the happiest person in the world if I got pregnant again and it was twins under normal circumstances and I didn't have that extra risk.

Which brings me to the anger portion of the post. The past year I have told a lot of people what has happened to me and sadly most don't even know what Pre-e or HELLP is, so I have to explain in short detail about them. The ones that I have told and have some knowledge on these conditions always take a look at me (by look I mean look me up and down) and say "HMMMMM! I thought only big women only get that?" WHAT? Seriously, Why would you say this to me? I just simply tell them that I have seen pictures of quite a lot of women that have had this and they are not "BIG" either. I just don't understand how someone could say something like that. It just pisses me off. I was going to write this a bit ago, but decided not to; until I saw on a comment on facebook of another baby lost mama that she was told that as well. It just brought back all those feelings and had to get it out.


  1. I love the movies. You did an amazing job at writing out his story. Hey maybe you are supposed to have twins and everything will work out. I had to be on bedrest for 10 weeks with my second pregnancy and we had nothing but problems with her. We were so scared to try again, but we finally did ad that next pregnancy was perfect. Try to stay positive. I will continue to pray that things will go in a better direction for you next time.

  2. What an amazing video of Jasper's life. I love how you put it together to remember his life. Maybe you will have twins. You never know what the future holds. And don't let people's comments bother you...it's just ignorance. *hugs*

  3. Aww, what a beautiful little boy!


  4. Such beautiful videos. You can see how much love you have for him. The hurt in your eyes just made my heart break, I am so sorry. I wish I could just reach out and hug you.

  5. I totally agree with you about the Pre-e/ Hellp issue. I lost Jack to pre-e and I am by no means a BIG lady. I also have high blood pressure which I am on medication for since I was only 24. It has nothing to do with weight and I wish people would understand this too, it make me so angry.

    love to you x0x0

  6. People are so stupid and will say anything. Love your videos! :) XO

  7. Bless your heart...the videos are precious. I'm sorry for the hurt--it's so bittersweet...

    I agree, some people are dumb and do say anything. I just put them on an imaginary shelf...never to be bothered by again!

  8. Oh Lisa, I can barely type this as my face is drenched in tears. I am so incredibly touched that you shared these beautiful pictures of your precious Jasper with us. What a handsome boy he is. I just wish I could bring him back in your arms.

    I can't believe someone would say that about Pre-E/HELLP. How infuriating. I too have found that hardly anyone knows what Pre-E or HELLP is. I sadly was one of them until it happened to me. I was quickly educated on it and I wish I wasn't, I wish you weren't either my dear friend. I wish we had our boys back with us.

    *hugs* thinking of you and Jasper

  9. I left a little gift for you on my blog. www.missingjuanito.blogspot.com

  10. Lisa,
    Maybe you are meant to have twins:-) I just wanted to tell you from my experience that I was told that I would have an increased risk of Pre-E and HELLP again with my next pregnancy too. But I was told that it would be less severe and farther along. And that is what happened. Sophia was big and healthy and probably didn't have any affects of pre-e/HELLP becuase this was my second time? Not sure but everything was so positive with her, except the paralyzing fear of getting sick like that again. Praying for you that your arms will be filled with babies soon

  11. Love his videos! People really think that only big people get those things? Wow.