Waterfall Angels on Facebook

Our rainbow Samuel Thomas Goldthorpe

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Friday, March 26, 2010

It's been a while

First, I want to thank everyone who has donated to Jasper's walk for the March of Dimes so far. Thank you so very much.
My walk is in 29 days and I really want to reach my goal of $250. I really need your help.

It has been way to long since my last post. I have been so super busy that I didn’t have any time to write. Since my last post I have worked three 12 hour shifts in a row twice. If you ever worked 12 hour shift you know that the 12 hours that you are off in between shifts you don’t want to do much of anything, but sleep. In between that my dad came to Florida for a week and that was nice. We did a lot of fun stuff.

On the second day that my dad was here we went to dinner to pizza hut. Everything was going great until the waitress puts a family in the table next to us. When they were walking to the table I heard the baby crying and I froze. They put the baby practically right next to me, with him facing me and that is when I started to cry. It was so hard to even look at the baby, but when I did he stopped crying and he just kept starring at me. I didn’t think anything of this at first, but the whole time we were there he would not take his eyes off of me. Another baby lost mama had a similar experience and it got me thinking if babies do have some kind of sixth sense about things? Since that day I have been paying a lot more attention to this and I have noticed that whenever there is a baby close to me they tend to watch me.

There has been something that has been bugging me and it is about my job. I got a call from my boss on I think it was Feb 25th and she was told by some of my co-workers that on the 24th I was moody and crying. Yes, the weeks and days leading up to Jasper’s birthday and Angelversary left me a bit moody, but this particular day my patients were lets just say hard to handle. I was getting admissions left and right and a lot of my patience where incontinent. Anyway, I was in with a patient and she started flipping out on me. Just one of the joys of working the midnight shift with sun-downing patients. I walked out to the nurse’s station crying because I just get very emotional and the charge nurse asked me if I was OK. Being emotional I said “That I will never be OK.” I went to go help the patient after a few seconds and one of my co-workers came in and made me leave the room after I told her I would be OK, but she would not take no for an answer so I left and cried some more. To the point my boss calls me and tells me “I need to take time off.” I told her that I am (I had already put in to take the first week of March off). I told her I had one more day to work before that, but she wanted to give me that day off so I took it. She then continues to tell me that yelling at the patients is never good. I was like hold up, I never yelled at the patient and told her everything that really happened, but she didn’t believe me. She continued to tell me that I need to get help and talk to someone and that I need to just somehow “get over it.” Oh, how I hate those words! I wish people could understand that I will never get over the loss of my son. Someone who has never lost a child before will never get it.
I did try and talk to her again in person, but it was no use. She told me that some to my co-workers told her that I cry too much and she told me that if I need to cry I need to go into the bathroom and not cry at the nurse’s station. I’m at a loss about this. I’m just so flipping pissed off about this. If any of my co-workers are reading this that have a problem with me crying about the loss of my son. You need to grow the fuck up and grow a heart and if you have a damn problem with me grieving for my loss you come to me not our boss. COWARDS!

The other day at work I was tried a couple of different time and I have to say I did very well. I was working again in the ER again and two different cases with pg women and I didn’t cry. I almost did, but managed to stop myself. One of them I even had to take to OB and that was so hard to do, but I did it. Yay me!

A couple of thank you's I forgot to mention in Jasper's birthday and angelversary post is I recieved two beautiful pics of candles for Jasper.

Thank you susan:

Thank you Sandie:

And a few more thank you's to a few wonderful women who wrote my Jasper's name.

Thank you Laura for doing this for me.

Thank you Jaime for writing Jasper's name in the ice.

and thank you to Michelle who wrote Jasper's name in the snow and put it on my Waterfall Angels facebook page.


  1. Gosh. I don't even know what to say about your work situation other than I am so, so sorry that you are in it. So sorry. It's bad enough you son died. To have to deal with the insensitivity is just horrible.
    I'm so sorry for you.

  2. ((HUGS)) to you!!! I can't believe your co workers are so insensitive (don't get me started on your boss). People just don't understand and it is so frustrating. I am sorry and I really hope things get better for you at work because it is hard to work with people like that. Wishing for better tomorrow's for you.

  3. lisa ~ you are such a strong woman! i think we all are strong women. we have lost a baby or babies and we continue on. we continue to do what needs to be done for ourselves and for others and we put up with the crap people tell us about 'getting over' the loss of our children! you are a strong woman doing just what you need to do to heal...don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  4. Oh Lisa, I am SO incredibly sorry that you have to deal with this BS at work. I seriously feel the need to ring someones neck whenever I hear of a fellow angel mommy who was told to just "Get over it" ugh, makes me so damn angry.

    Whenever you need to cry you do it. Don't hold it in. You grieve how you need to grieve screw what ANYONE tells you otherwise.


  5. I am so sorry for everything you are going through at work. It is so hard to control our emotions. I know I cry at random times and sometimes it just happens without warning. It would be nice if everyone just understood, but unfortunately that is not how it is. Sending you BIG hugs!

  6. I can't believe how difficult they are being with you at work. We can NEVER "get over it". They only thing we can do is try to learn how to live with it and move forward. I had someone once tell me I would have another child and I would get over my son's death. WRONG! I did have another child but I will never "get over" the death of my son. I will never "move on" from it either. I will simply learn how to live with the grief and move forward as it is all any of us can do. I'm thinking of you. *hugs*

  7. I'm so very sorry you have to deal with all of that at work! People don't understand and I really wish they could. I hate how people expect you to be okay sometimes. Those pictures are beautiful! :) Thinking of you!