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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

One year

First, I would like to thank everyone who entered My first blog giveaway. I have decided to keep it up another week so that more people can enter in the chance to get the frame. Everone who has not entered you may do so by following the link: My first blog giveaway

It has been one year since Jasper was born and passed away. I can't even believe I made it through last week. As it approached I felt like I would crumble to a million pieces and fly away and part of me wishes that I had. I never wanted this year mark to come. Well, I never wanted to to come without Jasper. I hate the fact that he is gone, I hate the fact that I have to go on without him, I just hate everything about this. The truth of the matter is, if my sister wasn't down here I probably would have went insane. Somehow her being down here, keeping me busy doing things kept me from going insane for sure.

On March 4th we went to Silver Springs state park to celebrate Jasper's birthday. We spent the day talking about Jasper, taking boat rides hearing about the history, and taking lots of pictures. My sister and I did buy Jasper some presents and put them on Jasper's Dresser.

On March 6th we did a lot on Jasper's Angelversary. We started out by going over to Rainbow Springs so that I can honor Jasper by taking photos of some Angel rocks by the waterfalls. We then went to the beach and did the balloon release and I wrote Jasper's name in the sand.


I just wish so bad that I would be writing how Jasper made a mess of his first birthday cake and how he reacted to his presents and there would have been way more then two. I know I will always wonder about the what-if's, what Jasper would be doing, and what he would look like. I wish people could understand that I didn't loose someone that I knew for a lifetime. I lost my child who I never got to know, and who I never got to see grow up.

15 comments:

  1. Lots of love Lisa, I know it's going to be one hard and emotional week when my year comes up in June.
    Sounds like you had a perfect day of memory

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  2. i am so happy that you had your sister there with you. it sounds like you made it a very special time. i too hate that jasper isnt there in your arms like he should be. ((HUGS))Xxx

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  3. Thinking of you and your sweet Jasper. xx

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  4. Remembering Jasper with you. The balloon release at the beach looks like it was a truly beautiful moment. I know how hard these dates are to face, thinking of you and sending you prayers for strength in your heart.
    xx

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  5. Oh how I wish you were talking about cake and presents too. What a beautiful way to remember your precious Jasper. I lit my boys candles in honor of him and kept you all close to my heart.

    *hugs*

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  6. What a wonderful couple days you spent remembering and honoring your angel. I'm thinking of you and sending great big hugs through the keyboard to you. God Bless!

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  7. *hugs* i have so felt that it's not fair i have no memories with my son other than being pregnant. it sounds like you had a good day and truly honored jasper on his first birthday! *hugs*

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  8. I am so sorry you didn't get to celebrate his birthday they way you would have liked to, but I think you did a great job honoring him. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  9. Thinking of you and your sweet Jasper. You are so right. I wish people knew how great of a loss this is. You lose a future. I think you honored his memory wonderfully! XO

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  10. Such beautiful ways to honor your baby boy. I wish so much that your precious Jasper was here with you. I cannot believe it's been a year already for you, it seems like I just started reading your journey as a babyloss mama. Sending many many (((HUGS))) to you

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  11. You honored him so wonderfully. Sending you hugs and remembering Jasper.

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  12. I am glad your sister was there to help you with this hard day. You did some beautiful things for sweet Jasper. Thank you so much for writing Meredith's name as a Waterfall Angel. I will always treasure that.
    Blessings, Sarita
    sboyette@tx.rr.com

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  13. Thinking of you and Jasper.

    hugs

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  14. Hi...I found your blog through the link in your siggy on fF. Just read that your one year mark just passed. I know how hard that mark is, and just wanted to say, I *do* understand. There ARE those of us who get it, get how hard it is and understand. We're missing our sons who we never got the chance to see grow up. A hole in our hearts the size of an entire lifetime.

    *hugs*

    Laurakate

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  15. Lifting you this week and the weeks to come...somehow, I know marker dates are SO tough, but I know those days you don't expect to be overwhelmed come as well...and I'm praying for your peace in them. I wish you had pictures of sweet Jasper making a birthday mess too.
    Hugs!!!!

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