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Monday, November 2, 2009


Lately, I have been feeling like such a failure. It seems like I can't do anything right and I'm not talking about just having a baby that is just the biggest of all my failures. I mean that everything I seem to do I fail. Going back to school, I keep changing my mind and want to do something different. I also feel like I'm failing at even being a wife; even though my husband would disagree. I don't clean anymore, not since Jasper died. I keep the house free of garbage and all and tidy looking for the most part, but when it comes to dusting, vaccuuming, sweeping, mopping, Etc. well that is a loss cause. My recent failure is the clothing drive in memory of Jasper. I thought I did everything in my power to get the word out there, but it wasn't good enough. I still have not received one thing. I know there are a couple of people sending some stuff out soon and I know that I won't be giving the hospital the donations that I get until Jasper's first birthday, but I thought I would have gotten a couple of donations by now. I have posted signs where I was allowed, posted on numerous websites for baby loss, so I'm at a loss for words. I hate asking for help, but I think I need it. The hospital where Jasper was born knows there is a donation coming and I don't want to show up empty handed. The link for the clothing drive is on the top of my blog.

I made this for Jasper on facebook. In memory of Jasper Thomas


  1. I'm so very sorry you are feeling the way that you are! I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better and make loads of donations arrive at your door tomorrow! I know this won't help but I think that what you're feeling is totally normal- at least it was my normal too after I first lost my son- I felt that nothing got done- that everything I did was half- nothing I did was even close to what it should have been- I am going to do my best to get out and get something for you in the mail. I have been pretty sick lately and unable to get out the last few weeks- but I'm glad that you reposted this and I hope that by doing so more people will see it and more people will donate- Thinking of you- wishing you healing and that I really did have that magic wand and that a baby will be in your near future- loads of things will arrive to celebrate Jasper's life and make a difference to others, and you would begin to feel whole once again... I know how hard it is...
    Thinking of you!
    Huge Hugs!

  2. Please let me know what you need and where to send it, Id love to help! *Hugs*

  3. Oh hon I know how you feel. I do not know what I was thinking going back to school two months after trying again and not getting pregnant again and only 7 months after losing the boys. I do not clean, I barely get out of bed and go to work =(


  4. Lisa, I finally set my blog up again and went and added everyone I could remember who had a blog, and when I added yours I said to myself, Oh we have to do this. And I've been debating if we do it as Thomas' first birthday gift or something all on its own. I'm not very organized these days, but we're planning on helping.

    And for what's it worth, I don't do much cleaning either. DH finally cleaned the bathrooms, yeah! I think it is pretty normal. We are SO low energy these days. {{{hugs}}}

  5. I don't clean like I used to either. I do what I have to do but nothing extra. Sometimes it makes me feel bad b/c I know I should do more.

    I'm sorry that the clothing drive hasn't gotten many donations so far. I actually would really like to donate something but hubby has been keeping the rope around me for spending. :(
    He always has to burst my bubble.

    I will definitely give something before the time is up.