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Friday, October 2, 2009

My Do's and Don'ts

I have seen this done on a few other blogs and decided to make one especially for me, for my situation. I will most likely be adding to this as time goes on. Seeing that the more people I happen to tell or find out about Jasper, the more people will say some stupid shit.

1) I am a mother so recognize me as one. Just because my children are not with me does not mean I should not be recognized.

2) Don’t say that I need to “move on’, I will never “move on” ask yourself would you be able to just “move on” if you lost a child? If that answer is no which I’m sure it will be if you’re not a cold heartless person, then do not tell me too.

3) Do not tell me that god has a plan. Honestly, I don’t care if god has a plan or not. I had a plan and that plan was to love and nurture my child for many years alive. Truthfully, don’t even mention god. The way I feel if there is in fact a god then he is an asshole for taking away my baby. I have lost all my faith in anything spiritual period. Actually, it has been lost for quit some time. This does not make me an Atheist (someone who does not believe in any god), it makes me an agnostic (someone who is unsure of a spiritual being). I have gone through so many bad things that I do have the right to be unsure.

4) If you can’t think of anything to say then don’t say anything, just never say to me that there is a reason, that thing’s happen for a reason. I swear I’m going to flip out the next time someone says that to me.

5) Don’t ask me why I carry around pictures of my son? The answer will ALWAYS be because he IS my son and ALWAYS will be I love him and very proud of him and will ALWAYS show him off even if he is not with me.

6) Don’t just ignore me when I talk about my pregnancy, I was pregnant for six and a half months. I want to talk about my pregnancy I felt my son kick, I gave birth to him.

7) Please if you can’t think of anything to say, just say I’m sorry for your loss and stop there.

8) Ask me about my son, I do want to talk about him. Just because he is not with me
doesn't mean he wasn't real.

9) Don't just ignore the subject because you think I will get hurt, it hurts more when you ignore him.

...More to come (I'm sure).



  1. i'm glad you made up your own. but, know that people are ALWAYS going to say stupid shit. i friggin HATE 'everything happens for a reason' as well as 'he's in a better place.' REALLY? what's a better place than his mother's arms???

    right with you there, girl. keep on, keepin' on.

  2. Good for you, it's important to get those points out in the open. Please know that I care.

  3. I think it's great you made your own list. You now, I carry pictures around too. I actually have a whole little photo book I keep in my purse. You never know when I might want to whip it out and share pictures of my daughter. I don't see why a lot of people are uncomfortable to talk about our babies. I'm fine with it! Why should they be!?

  4. Lisa,
    Thank you for your honesty. This grief makes us leaves us raw with anger and endless questioning. I don't know why people say some stupid things. And you are right, it only hurts more when they ignore our babies. I agree with Holly, I wish people could just get how much we WANT to share our babies with them, especially when we bring them up!

    Love to the sky

  5. Good for you that you made a list. No I don't understand and I won't pretend that I do. I can't imagine the heartache that you must feel each day, but I pray for you that you will have peace. Have they determined that this was HELLP with Jasper? It is such a scary life threatening thing and so many people don't have any idea about it. Thinking of you....