Ever since coming off of Prozac I have been a walking time bomb waiting to go off. When I was on it I honestly don't know how to describe it except for I felt stuck like I could not move on. Being off of it has made me feel again, I'm now able to cry again, get mad about everything that has happened, and just feel like I can be sad again. Prozac just wouldn't let me feel all of these things therefore I don't think I was healing or getting any better, just frozen in time. Does that all make sense?
Will this feeling of being punched in the gut, and anger ever go away every time I see a pregnant women or a baby? I can't deal with this anymore, I don't want to feel like this, but every time I see either I just want to go off screaming, yelling, cursing well you get the picture. I'm also so sick and tired of the media glamorizing celebrity pregnancy. Every time I look at a damn magazine there is a pregnant celeb, one trying to get pregnant, or one with a newborn. I'm SICK of it.
Now, to save the most fucked up for last. There is this young girl that I know and guess what she's pregnant. She is young, she doesn't have a pot to piss in, and get this when asked how she will be able to care for a child, she says (can't remember exactly what she said) something like faith will help her or some shit like that. The last time I checked faith doesn't pay the damn bills, buy diapers or clothes, the last time I checked faith does absolutely nothing for you except give you false hope.
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are feeling so much pain, but it will help the healing process. And I TOTALLY understand what you mean about pregnant people and babies, it's like the world has freakin exploded with them only to taunt me and say "See what I have and you don't!!!" And about the young girl, I have no words, but I SOOOO understand how you feel, it makes me angry and I don't know either of you! Know you are not alone in these feelings!! Much love to you and your hubby!!
UGH! I am so sorry- it does seem that when you want to be pregnant it is impossible and those around who aren't even trying seem to get knocked up not even trying or wanting to be! I hate that- but have felt the same way- I think that the anger is totally normal! And seeing pregnant people... well- I know that I have had that same experience- wrote about it here if you're interested...
ReplyDeletehttp://momentsofpause.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-see-pregnant-people.html
I think that pregnant people seem to come out of the woodwork when all you want is to be pregnant. The day I miscarried our baby we went for ice cream and I swear to you there were five women and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM was showing and pregnant! Talk about a smack in the face!!! Hoping and praying that you'll be one of those pregnant people and soon!!! Hang in there- vent here!
Hugs-
L
Im sorry Lisa, but I had to laugh when I read, "doesn't have a pot to piss in", that's one of my dad's classic lines. So thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I know this feeling of anger you have well, and it is very out of character for me. i don;t know how to deal with it, Im trying to get some exercise, maybe to exhaust it out of me, a physical release of some kind. I hope you can find a way to lessen yours.
I think the preggers, as I now call the group of women in the world who are currently pregnant, were always there, but now we are more sensitive to and aware of their presence. It's hard for me, too, and I don't even want to be pregnant right now, I just want my pregnancy that used to be. Hang in!
Pregnant babies and bellies do seem to be everywhere. I wonder if that is the case or if you just notice them more once you don't have your baby?
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