I'm feeling very blah today and that could be a dangerous thing. It leaves me to think and wonder. Jonathan had mentioned to me that he doesn't think we should wait until we see that OB in North Carolina. The way I see it we would probably only have to take a month or two off, but Jonathan has a point. He thinks that any month we take off is a waste and he is right. I don't want any wasted months, but if it ensures that maybe one day we could have a healthy pregnancy and our take home rainbow baby then why am I so upset about a month or two of wasted cycles? Well, I'm not getting any younger and neither are my eggs. A wasted month means my eggs are another month older.
It is very hard for me not to wonder what Jasper would be like right now. He would be 13 months right now or if he was born when he should have been he would be 10 months. I have been around babies enough to know milestones, but I do know babies develop at their own rate. I wonder what Jasper's milestones would be right now. Would he be crawling? I wonder about his weight, height, sleep habits. I want to know what his smile would've looked like and well just anything and everything about him. I hate the fact that I will never know these things.
Jasper, Forever Our First-Born
- Lisa and Jonathan
- Jonathan and I where both born and raised in Chicago, Illinois. We met on May 5, 1996 and have been together since May 7, 1996 when he finally asked me out. We finally got married on Nov 11, 2003. After we got married, we did the whole not officially trying, but not preventing until Sept 2005 when we got serious about having a family. Fast forward to one year and four months, that is when we finally saw our first BFP on a pee stick. Sadly, at 5w 6d we had our first of 3 miscarriages on Feb 1, 2007, our 2nd miscarriage was on Nov 12, 2007 at 5w 1d, our 3rd miscarriage was May 3, 2008 at 4w 2d, and we just recently lost our rainbow baby Jasper on March 6, 2009 due to early onset severe Preeclampsia, HELLP, and severe IUGR.
Thinking of you and Jasper tonight.I know it's hard not having him here with you. If you wait to see the new doctor, maybe he can help you bring a healthy baby into the world.
ReplyDeleteBut I certainly understand your trepidation in waiting. (((HUGS)))
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ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss!! Blah days can be so hard!! I was having one to yesterday and you feel so empty!! Thinking of you and sending hugs!
ReplyDelete((hugs)) to you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI have also been wondering alot lately what my boys would look like now and what they would be doing. I hate not knowing.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))
xo
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this post. To all of it. To missing my child and wondering what she would be doing. And to hating the waiting, and the months that feel wasted. Thinking of you xx
ReplyDeletethinking of you...
ReplyDeleteIt's been over a year and I felt like I too have wasted time. I can feel my body getting older everyday. Somedays I just don't know where I am on my decision. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI definitely wonder what Carleigh would be doing. What would she look like right now? It's hard not knowing.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you hun :( its really sad when you think of what should/might have been, i was like that the other day as it was Bryce's second brithday,
ReplyDeleteI really hope that yourself and your partner are able to be happy again, as i know you guys deserve it