Our rainbow Samuel Thomas Goldthorpe
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Empty arms and a heavy heart
I had a pretty tough night two nights ago. I was at work (I work as a CNA at a hospital) and I was sent to the ER to work. I can't even count how many pregnant women came into the ER last night. I did not even want to know what they where there for. The worst part was about 2:30 in the morning when in walks a new mom with her new baby. The baby had a cold. I couldn't even go near the baby without wanting cry and I did. I was cleaning the bed in the next station over and listening to her making baby talk, just making all the sounds that a baby makes. I felt my heart sink and suddenly my arms became so heavy. I want my baby back with me and in my arms.
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That must have been so hard. I am sorry Jasper isnt in your arms where he should be. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteXxx
I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you. I wish with all my heart that Jasper was in your arms as I wish my babies were in my arms. xx
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lisa, I can not even imagine the heartache that you felt. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteAwww. I understand the whole working @ a hospital thing. We just lost our baby girl a week and a half ago and I work in labor and delivery at a hosp. I am TERRIFIED to go back to work. :o( That must have been awful for you. I'm so sorry for the heartache you feel. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Lisa. After Wyatt passed away I couldn't even handle going out in town for fear of having to even hear a baby. I'm sorry you had to deal with that on top of your grief. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa, I am so sorry. I dont know how you do it everyday. I know that Im not strong enough to do that job so I am so proud of you for continuing to do it. I feel the same way though when I do see a pregnant lady or a new mom with a dark haired baby boy in her arms. Its still pretty raw for me so it hurts. Thinking of you! *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Lisa, that sounds so painful. I can't imagine dealing with that at work, of all places. I wish you could have heard that baby and smile, because Jasper was at home sleeping peacefully. Its not fair. Lots of *hugs*
ReplyDeleteGo figure they came in when you were around. I'm sorry there were so many of them!
ReplyDeleteyou handled it better than I would have, that must have been so difficult...you are brave, and strong.
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ReplyDeleteIt is hard to be in the hospital. Hard to see others where you wish you were. I understand, I am an RN in L&D. Praying your nights are less filled with babies and pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Lisa. It is so hard to be in these situations. Thinking of you and your sweet boy. xx
ReplyDeleteLisa I found your blog through another lost mommy's blog. I lost my sweet little boy 5 weeks ago today. I had to return back to work after only having 2 weeks off and I understand you completely! I am a school teacher, so my life revolves around children. I see pregnant women come into see their other children almost everyday and it is so hard to put that smile on and greet them. The hardest for me right now are seeing the new babies pushed in their strollers by their proud moms. I often times have to make up an excuse to go somewhere else. It is so hard right now to not understand why I didn't get to have "Juanito" here with me. You are a strong woman and I hope that I will be able to be where you are in the near future!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry your heart aches. I cannot be around little baby's either. It just makes my heart break. Sending ((hugs)) your way.
ReplyDeleteMy heart stops when I hear that newborns have fevers let alone sick. It takes me back to those moments. I just can't take it. I'm sorry you felt like this.
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