Today we went to the mall to do a little bit of shopping and we where in Kmart checking out when I told him I had to use the ladies room and I will be right back. I got up to the front of the store where he was watching a little girl, she was not listening to her mom at all. Jonathan and I walked out and he started laughing and said "That little girl just didn't want to listen to her mama." I snapped at him and didn't mean to. I said "you know what I just don't fucking care." The poor look on his face. I felt so bad. I just don't want to talk about any kids. I told him that and he said "That one day we will have a child either on our own or through adoption." Well, I started bawling. We should not be saying this in future tense. It should be the present. We should be parent's to Jasper. We are parents to Jasper, just not in the way we want to be. It is just not fair.