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Saturday, December 19, 2009


I have been trying to write this post for weeks now, but just can not seem to figure out what I want to say. I'm sorry in advance if this post seems a bit jumbled, it is because I am. For the past couple of months I don't even feel like myself. It is like I'm a shell of my former self and I don't know how to get back. I have been depressed and mad about everything that has happened over the last 9 months that I don't stop thinking about it, ever, I just want everything that has happened to disappear, I want my son here with me now. I know in my heart that it is impossible. Everywhere I go I have constant reminders that my son is gone. I see pregnant women and babies everywhere I go, even at home on my computer screen. There is really nothing I can do about the outside world, but just now as I am writing this I realized I need to stay away from anything pregnancy/baby realted at home for a while. I'm hoping that it helps, I'm hoping I can find myself again.


  1. Lisa, I understand this place you in right now. It's a painful, dark place where all we want is your baby and it's the one thing we can't have back. It's so difficult when everyone is pregnant and we see babies everywhere around us. I understand, I get it. I hope you find some peace for your heavy heart. Send you love from one lost baby mom to another.

  2. Lisa, I totally get it as I have the same feelings and emotions. It is so hard and painful. I wish I could take away all of our pain and that we never had to experience this loss and heartache. I too hope you can find yourself again, but always know that Jasper will be remembered.

    Thinking about you and Jasper today. xo

  3. I'm hoping too that you can find something. It's quite easy to be bombarded with babies and pregnancy.

  4. I think we lose part of ourselves in grief. I understand the feeling that we are only a shell of ourselves. But I am praying the "me" that emerges after this process is over is better than the one I started with. In the meantime, I join you, in feeling lost.