I have been trying to write this post for weeks now, but just can not seem to figure out what I want to say. I'm sorry in advance if this post seems a bit jumbled, it is because I am. For the past couple of months I don't even feel like myself. It is like I'm a shell of my former self and I don't know how to get back. I have been depressed and mad about everything that has happened over the last 9 months that I don't stop thinking about it, ever, I just want everything that has happened to disappear, I want my son here with me now. I know in my heart that it is impossible. Everywhere I go I have constant reminders that my son is gone. I see pregnant women and babies everywhere I go, even at home on my computer screen. There is really nothing I can do about the outside world, but just now as I am writing this I realized I need to stay away from anything pregnancy/baby realted at home for a while. I'm hoping that it helps, I'm hoping I can find myself again.