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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Everything happens for a reason...

I have heard this saying so many times since we lost Jasper. I know a lot of people cling to this phrase for some kind of spirutal guidence or for some reason find some kind of good meaning to this like maybe something worse would of happened or something would have been wrong with my son. I just don't understand why people would think that there god thought there was some reason for my son to die. For me it is like a huge slap in the face because this phrase means something different for me. My son did die for a reason and that reason is because my body failed him. My body caused the blood clot in his placenta which caused him to be growth restricted. My body developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP which caused my blood pressure to sky rocket, protein to spill from my kidneys, My liver was failing, and my Platelet counts where very low. My doctor's thought it would be best to save my life and the only way to do that was to deliver Jasper and then hopefully try to save his life. Yes, I know I shouldn't blame myself for everything that has happened. I couldn't help it and I can't change what happened, but I just wish people wouldn't say something so stupid like that. Like it is going to make me better. I wish people would just think about what they are going to say before they say it. I wish people would understand that for me if there is a god (which I don't believe) and he decided that my child was going to die, but the crack whore's baby would live and be healthy that I would hate that god.


  1. That saying does nothing to help us, does it? I'm sorry you were told this. There is, of course, a whole long list of stupid comments people make to us BLMs.
    I think the thing that floored me the most was told to me by a woman who had also lost a daughter. She said maybe our children died because there was something more terrible that might have happened to them later on. This gave her comfort, but I don't agree.
    Hugs, dear. I pray for peace for you. You know I believe in God, and we respect each other's right to believe or not. I just wish for peace for your heart.

  2. I am so hurt when I hear that. To think that I have thought and said those same words to others not realizing the pain it caused. Those who don't know what it is to lose a child say things to try and comfort. But when you are the one hearing those "words of comfort" we know that there is nothing that could ever be said to make things better.

  3. Hey Hey,
    I stumbled over your blog today and I just had to tell you I'm enjoying your blog. Your awesome. I became a follower and I'm looking forward to keeping up and leaving comments. I hope you will check out both my blogs, and become a follower. I have a button, and I'd like to add you to my blog roll. I hope you have a lovely weekend. God Bless You and Yours


    Infertility Blog: http://ourjourneythrufaith.blogspot.com/


  4. I don't think I have ever met a BLM, religious or not, who liked that phrase. Some may believe it and in some way I do but I hate hearing other people say it to me.

  5. Yes I agree with Holly, I don't know anyone who truly likes that phrase. Just like the "god only gives you what you can handle" That feels like such a slap to me to. Its like what are you trying to break me down into a mess worse than I already am? I've only just stumbled onto your blog so I need to read some more but im sorry... because there is nothing else we really can say.